Viral ‘Bird Theory’ Sparks Debate on Relationship Tests

A viral TikTok post featuring the so-called “bird theory” has captured the attention of millions, raising questions about its implications for relationships. Layne Berthoud, a 30-year-old occupational therapist from Los Angeles, shared a video that has garnered nearly 5 million views in just five days. In the clip, she casually mentions seeing a bird to her husband, Alexandre Berthoud, who responds with curiosity—an outcome that aligns with the test’s criteria.

The bird theory is a simple yet intriguing relationship test. One partner points out a bird or recounts a fabricated story about encountering one earlier, then observes the other’s reaction. A positive response indicates a willingness to engage in what therapists term “bids for connection.” This concept, popularized by renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, suggests that couples who acknowledge each other’s bids are more likely to maintain strong relationships.

According to Gottman’s research, couples who remain married respond to bids approximately 86 percent of the time, while those who separate do so only 33 percent of the time. Yet, relationship experts like Carrie Cole, director of research at the Gottman Institute, express caution. “While we encourage couples to turn toward one another, using a contrived scenario as a test may not be the best approach,” she commented. “What if your partner fails? No relationship is perfect.”

Social Media Trends and Relationship Insights

The bird theory is part of a broader trend of relationship tests circulating on social media. Recently, TikTok users have also engaged with concepts like the “orange peel theory,” where one partner is asked to perform a simple task to assess their willingness to help. Another popular topic, the “princess treatment” debate, examines expectations within romantic relationships.

Clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, who hosts the Reimagining Love podcast, notes that these tests resonate with our ongoing quest to understand relationship dynamics. “Many people wonder, ‘Are we okay? How are we doing?'” she explained. The popularity of such tests reflects our desire for validation regarding what makes relationships succeed or fail. “When a partner passes a test, it can feel affirming, while sharing a failure may foster a sense of community,” she added.

Despite their rising fame, experts warn that these online tests can offer limited insights into relationship health. “If they fail the test, it shouldn’t be seen as an indicator of doom,” Cole advised. “Instead, it should prompt a deeper conversation about needs and expectations.”

Real Conversations vs. Social Media Tests

Layne and Alexandre Berthoud, who have been happily married, approached the bird theory with a light-hearted attitude. Although Layne suspected her husband would pass the test, they emphasize that they do not engage in relationship tests like those seen online. Their focus lies in daily gestures—helping each other with chores, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and responding to everyday bids for connection.

“I wouldn’t record our intimate conversations for social media,” Layne stated. “If I had serious concerns about our relationship, I wouldn’t choose to share that publicly.” Alexandre echoed this sentiment, appreciating the humour in online comments while reflecting on the broader implications of such tests. “It’s fascinating to observe how people interpret a 30-second video and the assumptions they make,” he remarked.

While the bird theory may entertain, it also highlights a significant cultural moment where people seek clarity in their relationships. As social media continues to influence personal dynamics, the need for genuine communication remains paramount. Ultimately, the Berthouds illustrate that lasting connections are forged through consistent engagement, rather than the fleeting validation that viral tests can provide.