Understanding Menopause: How Partners Can Offer Support

Menopause can significantly impact relationships, as many women find their partners struggle to understand their experiences. One such case is that of Jolynn, a 45-year-old financial consultant who has been dealing with perimenopause symptoms since early 2024. Jolynn reports that her relationship has come under strain due to misunderstandings surrounding her condition. “He doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes, it’s a struggle – the mood swings and randomly feeling hot,” she shared.

Jolynn believes her partner’s lack of awareness stems from his limited exposure to menopause, as he lost his mother at a young age. As a result, their disagreements have increased, and she feels her symptoms are dismissed as unimportant.

Dr. Annabelle Chow, principal clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, notes that the general lack of awareness surrounding menopause can leave many women feeling isolated. She explains that trying to articulate their experiences can be exhausting, especially when they are still trying to understand them themselves. “If their partner doesn’t respond in a way that feels supportive or validating, it can lead to frustration,” Dr. Chow remarked.

Many women may shy away from discussing menopause due to its personal nature. They might feel uncertain about how much to share, while their partners may not know how to engage with the topic. Dr. Chow emphasizes that this communication gap can lead to increased self-doubt and a decline in confidence.

Challenges of Menopause Visibility

Dr. Leonora Chiam from the Department of Psychological Medicine at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital highlights that many partners lack a comprehensive understanding of menopause and its varied effects. She points out that symptoms such as cognitive fog or joint pain are often not recognized as part of the menopause experience. This lack of awareness can hinder their ability to provide necessary support.

Valery Tan, co-founder of the local menopause platform Surety, agrees that one of the most significant hurdles women face is the invisibility of menopause. “Unlike a broken bone or pregnancy, there are no obvious signs that someone is going through menopause, which makes it easy for others to overlook their struggles,” she explained.

Furthermore, cultural factors in some regions can make discussions about menopause uncomfortable. In many Asian households, the topic is rarely addressed, leaving women feeling isolated during this transition. Dr. Chiam adds that, unlike pregnancy and parenthood, there are limited support systems available to help partners navigate the complexities associated with menopause.

However, Dr. Chiam also notes that menopause has the potential to strengthen relationships. She suggests that navigating this life transition together can foster empathy and understanding. “Menopause may serve as a catalyst for more proactive health behaviors and lifestyle changes,” she said.

Supporting Partners During Menopause

Natalia A, 48, experienced various symptoms, including moodiness and night sweats. Initially, her husband noticed something was amiss but found it challenging to understand her situation until they began open conversations. By sharing her experiences, Natalia was able to help him grasp that these changes were not within her control. His newfound understanding led him to adjust their environment to accommodate her needs, such as using the air conditioning to alleviate her discomfort at night.

Dr. Chow advises men on how to support their partners during this time. Acknowledging their struggles and affirming their worth can significantly impact a woman’s emotional well-being. Symptoms such as weight gain and fatigue can affect self-image, making reassurance crucial. “Try saying things like, ‘I know this has been really tough on you lately,’ or ‘I see how resilient you’ve been,’” she suggests.

It is equally important for partners to avoid taking mood swings personally. Instead of reacting defensively, they should adopt a compassionate approach, asking questions like, “How can I support you right now?” or “Would you like to talk about what you’re feeling?” These inquiries can facilitate deeper communication and reassure women that they are not alone in their struggles.

Associate Professor Rukshini Puvanendran, co-director of the KK Menopause Centre, encourages women to communicate their specific symptoms with their partners. She suggests collaborative problem-solving to create a supportive environment. For instance, if a woman experiences sleep disturbances, her partner could help by minimizing distractions, such as avoiding bright screens during bedtime.

Dr. Chiam emphasizes that sometimes women simply need a listening ear rather than specific advice. Partners should also avoid making overly positive comments that could trivialize the significant impacts of menopause. Statements like, “You’re making too big a deal out of this – it’s just part of aging” can be dismissive.

In conclusion, Tan asserts that a simple question like “How are you feeling today?” can open the door to connection and support. It is essential for partners to walk alongside their significant others throughout this evolving journey. By being present and empathetic, this stage of life can transform into an opportunity for deeper partnership and growth. Jolynn highlights the importance of small gestures, stating, “Sometimes, all it takes is a hug.”

Understanding menopause and its impact on relationships can foster stronger connections and facilitate a supportive environment for women during this significant life transition.