Couples Navigate Menopause Together: Insights and Strategies

Jolynn, a 45-year-old financial consultant, has been experiencing the challenges of perimenopause since early this year. Her symptoms, including mood swings and sudden feelings of heat, have strained her relationship with her partner. “He doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes, it’s a struggle – the mood swings and randomly feeling hot,” she shared. This disconnect has led to increased arguments, particularly over issues like air conditioning, which Jolynn feels her partner dismisses. His limited exposure to menopause, having lost his mother at a young age, may contribute to his lack of understanding.

Menopause can be a confusing and isolating experience, as many women discover. According to Dr. Annabelle Chow, principal clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, the general scarcity of awareness surrounding perimenopause and menopause leaves women feeling unsupported. She noted that trying to explain these experiences to a partner, while still grappling with them personally, can be exhausting. “If their partner doesn’t respond in a way that feels supportive or validating, it can lead to frustration or even pulling away from the relationship,” Dr. Chow explained.

Communicating about menopause can be particularly difficult for women. They may feel embarrassed or unsure of how much to share, while partners often lack the knowledge to ask the right questions. The emotional and physical changes women face during this time can heighten sensitivity, which may lead to feelings of self-doubt. “If their partners respond with a dismissive comment or fail to take things seriously, women may become more reluctant to open up,” Dr. Chow added.

Understanding Menopause and Its Impact

Dr. Leonora Chiam, a consultant from the Department of Psychological Medicine at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, highlighted the importance of understanding what menopause entails. Many partners may not grasp how symptoms like cognitive difficulties or joint pain can manifest differently for each woman. This lack of understanding can hinder their ability to provide necessary support.

Valery Tan, co-founder of the menopause platform Surety, emphasized that “menopause is largely invisible.” Unlike visible conditions such as a broken bone, menopause presents no obvious external signs, allowing partners to overlook the struggles women face. “Many women are told things like, ‘But you don’t look sick,’ when in fact, they may be dealing with fatigue and mood swings that significantly affect their daily lives,” Tan noted.

Cultural factors also play a role, particularly in communities where discussions about menopause are rare. Many women find it challenging to bring the topic up with their partners, which can lead to feelings of isolation during an already lonely experience. Dr. Chiam pointed out that, unlike the socially supported experiences of pregnancy and parenthood, there are limited resources to assist men in navigating the complexities of their partner’s menopause journey.

Despite these challenges, there is potential for couples to grow closer during this life transition. Dr. Chiam believes that sharing experiences can foster empathy and understanding. “Menopause may serve as a catalyst for adopting more proactive health behaviors and lifestyle changes,” she suggested.

Supporting Partners Through Menopause

Natalia A, 48, has encountered various symptoms, including moodiness and hot flashes. Initially, her husband sensed something was amiss but struggled to understand her situation. Once she opened up about her symptoms, he began to adapt, demonstrating support through small gestures. “For example, we don’t usually sleep with the air conditioning on, but when I started getting hot flashes, he switched it on to make sure I was more comfortable at night,” Natalia explained.

According to Dr. Chow, partners can offer invaluable support by acknowledging their partner’s struggles and reaffirming their value. Physical and emotional changes can impact self-image, making reassurance essential. “A partner’s reassurance can make all the difference, especially when it’s genuine and comes without trying to ‘fix’ anything,” she stated. Phrases like, “I know this has been really tough on you lately” or “I see how resilient you’ve been,” can create an atmosphere of support.

It is also crucial for partners to approach mood swings with compassion rather than defensiveness. Dr. Chow recommended asking open-ended questions like, “How can I support you right now?” or “Want to talk about what you’re feeling, or would some quiet time help?” These inquiries can invite deeper conversation and demonstrate that the partner is not alone in their struggles.

Associate Professor Rukshini Puvanendran, co-director of the KK Menopause Centre, suggested that women share specific symptoms with their partners to collaboratively find solutions. For instance, if sleep issues arise, partners can help mitigate disturbances by minimizing noise. “One patient’s sleep was regularly disrupted by her partner watching TV in bed, even with headphones,” she shared. Understanding temperature preferences is also essential; one accommodating husband would dress warmly to ensure his wife, experiencing night sweats, could keep the air conditioning low.

The essence of support lies in simply being present. “Sometimes, women just need a listening ear but not necessarily specific advice,” Dr. Chiam advised. Partners should avoid overly positive statements that could be perceived as trivializing the experience. Comments like, “You’re making too big a deal out of this – it’s just part of aging,” can be damaging.

Simple gestures, such as asking, “How are you feeling today?” can strengthen the connection. Instead of attempting to solve problems, this question opens the door for support and care. “Walk beside her, not ahead of her,” Tan said. “This journey evolves, and there’s no need to have all the answers.”

Jolynn hopes that men will listen to their partners and offer comfort through small gestures. “Sometimes, all it takes is a hug,” she remarked. The journey through menopause can be challenging, but with understanding and open communication, couples can navigate it together.