Kit Chan Reflects on Caregiving Journey with Late Mother

Singer Kit Chan recently shared her experience as a caregiver for her late mother, who lived with dementia for eight years before passing away in May 2023. In a heartfelt discussion with actress Rui En, Chan opened up about the emotional and challenging journey of supporting her mother during this difficult time.

Understanding the complex realities of her mother’s condition became essential for Chan. “The only way [is to] enter their world,” she explained. As her mother’s dementia progressed, Chan recognized the profound loneliness her mother felt. “We are in this world, but after a while she [was in] her own world,” Chan remarked, reflecting on the emotional distance created by the illness.

To bridge this gap, Chan changed her communication style. Drawing on her background in drama and her imaginative nature, she engaged her mother in her own narrative. “I would just pretend that I’m in [her] world,” Chan said. When her mother expressed concerns about a troubling figure in her mind, Chan reframed the situation to validate her feelings. “I would just say, ‘What an annoying person!’ and we would talk about how to deal with this person,” she recalled. This shift in perspective helped to foster understanding and trust between them.

As she adapted her approach, Chan also encouraged her father and sisters to adopt the same method. They quickly learned to connect with her mother in a way that felt more reassuring. “I discovered that at times, my mum knew the things she was seeing ‘weren’t real’,” Chan explained. The singer described instances where her mother would share vivid, fantastical experiences, such as fighting in a world filled with swords.

During these moments, Chan provided comfort, apologizing for not being able to enter her mother’s imagined realms to fight alongside her. She reassured her mother that she would always return to a safer reality each morning. “At the beginning she was showing [typical signs of dementia],” Chan noted, referencing the initial anger and frustration her mother displayed. However, once they developed trust through this new communication style, her mother transformed into “the sweetest person.”

In June, shortly after her mother passed, Chan took to Instagram to share her emotions with followers. “Friends ask me how I’m doing. I say I cry every day, but I also laugh every day,” she wrote. Chan expressed that this duality of emotions was a part of how she intends to honor her mother’s legacy. “Always looking for that bright spot, catching the sparkle in the dull and mundane, and always choosing joy over sorrow,” she concluded, emphasizing her mother’s optimistic outlook on life.

Chan’s reflections highlight the profound impact of caregiving and the emotional complexities that accompany it. Her story resonates with many who have navigated similar challenges, illustrating the importance of empathy and connection in the face of dementia.

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