Author Mira Sumanti Shares Journey from Heartbreak to Love

Mira Sumanti, a 38-year-old author and Google’s brand and creative lead in Singapore, has turned her tumultuous experiences in love and heartbreak into a compelling narrative in her book, Swipe Therapy. The book, likened to “Sex and the City written for the Tinder generation,” offers insight into the challenges of modern dating through a blend of personal anecdotes and analytical strategies.

During a recent interview at Google’s headquarters in Mapletree Business City, Sumanti reflected on her journey and the events that shaped her writing. “I never meant to write a book,” she explained. “I wrote about my experiences because I wanted to remember the things I went through.” Her story begins with a significant relationship that unraveled just weeks before her wedding, ultimately leading her down a path of self-discovery and exploration in the dating world.

From Proposal to Heartbreak

Sumanti’s journey into love started in 2012 while working in Amsterdam, where she met a Dutch man through mutual friends. Their relationship blossomed, and by 2014, he proposed during her first winter visit back to the Netherlands. However, her professional opportunity with Google in Jakarta soon tested their commitment.

As she transitioned to her new role, the couple faced mounting pressures. “It was an unfortunate case of trying to do everything at once,” Sumanti recalled. Within six months, her fiancé struggled to adapt to Jakarta’s challenges and lost his job, which led to constant arguments and mounting dissatisfaction. Just five weeks before their wedding, he announced his decision to leave.

The abrupt end of their engagement left Sumanti grappling with self-doubt and a shattered sense of trust. “For me, the toughest thing was that I lost trust in myself,” she said. This emotional turmoil catalyzed her exploration of online dating, which she describes as a “Titanic-sized mess.”

Navigating the Modern Dating Scene

In a survey conducted by the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, 94 percent of respondents in Singapore expressed a desire for long-term relationships, while 46 percent reported feeling lost in an endless cycle of superficial matches. Sumanti found herself entrenched in this scenario, encountering individuals who often prioritized shock value over meaningful connections.

Determined to succeed in the dating world, Sumanti applied her analytical mindset to create a compelling dating profile. She emphasized authenticity by posting unfiltered photos and conducting thorough background checks on potential matches. “If you are not online, you do not exist,” she noted, advocating for a proactive approach to online dating.

Throughout her journey, Sumanti encountered a range of characters, from “The Director” to “The Banker,” each with their own quirks and challenges. One memorable match, referred to as “The Pornstar,” unexpectedly brought a sense of kindness and attention that she had been missing. Their brief summer romance in Bali provided a much-needed escape, allowing her to experience joy amidst the chaos of her dating life.

Despite her various encounters, Sumanti recognized the importance of self-worth and the dangers of staying in unfulfilling relationships. Her chapter titled “The One” focuses on a promising connection with “The Banker,” who ultimately failed to prioritize their relationship. She realized that many women, in pursuit of financial stability, might overlook red flags, leading to loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Finding Love Again

As her narrative unfolds, Sumanti discusses her growth following the breakup and the resilience she developed over time. By the time the COVID-19 pandemic struck, she had not yet found lasting love but was in a much healthier state of mind.

In 2021, she matched with a Singaporean man on Bumble, who also worked in tech sales. Their shared experiences and backgrounds allowed them to connect deeply, and their relationship flourished amid the pandemic’s restrictions. “We started going on long walks because it was during the pandemic and you couldn’t do much else,” she shared.

By May 2022, they were officially a couple, and their relationship progressed rapidly. Engaged by August and married by November, Sumanti’s journey took a turn she had longed for—a small, intimate wedding with just 22 family members, contrasting sharply with her previous plans for a grand ceremony in Bali.

Now, as a mother and a partner, Sumanti reflects on her past with gratitude rather than regret. Her colorful dating history, once filled with whirlwind romances, has transformed into a stable and nurturing family life. She encourages others to remain open to love, stating, “There’s a saying that the person you marry will be the most important career decision you will make.”

Through her experiences, Sumanti has discovered that a fulfilling relationship can significantly enhance one’s life, a sentiment that resonates with many seeking meaningful connections in today’s fast-paced world.