Understanding Menopause: What Partners Need to Know

Jolynn (a pseudonym) has been navigating the challenges of perimenopause since early 2023, a period marked by significant mood swings and sudden heat flashes. This transition has strained her relationship with her partner, who struggles to grasp the complexities of her experience. “He doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes, it’s a struggle – the mood swings and randomly feeling hot,” said the 45-year-old financial consultant. Her partner may be less informed about menopause due to personal circumstances, notably the loss of his mother at a young age. As a result, their disagreements have increased, with Jolynn feeling that her symptoms are not taken seriously.

Navigating menopause can often leave women feeling isolated, particularly when partners lack awareness about its implications. Dr. Annabelle Chow, a principal clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, highlighted that many women face difficulty articulating their experiences during this confusing time. The lack of understanding can lead to frustration, especially when partners do not provide the support needed.

Breaking Down the Barriers of Communication

Women often find it challenging to discuss menopause openly, as the topic can feel private or even embarrassing. Dr. Chow noted that the emotional and physical changes associated with menopause can exacerbate feelings of self-doubt and diminish confidence. “If their partners respond with a dismissive comment or fail to take things seriously, women may become more reluctant to open up,” she explained. This reluctance can hinder meaningful conversations about their struggles.

Dr. Leonora Chiam, a consultant psychiatrist at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, added that many partners may not understand the varied experiences of menopause. Symptoms such as cognitive difficulties and physical discomfort may not be immediately recognizable, complicating the support dynamic. Valery Tan, co-founder of the menopause platform Surety, echoed this sentiment, stating, “Menopause is largely invisible.” Unlike more apparent health issues, such as a broken bone, menopause does not present visible signs, making it easy for partners to overlook the struggles women face.

The stigma surrounding menopause, particularly in certain cultures, adds another layer of complexity. Tan pointed out that in many Asian households, menopause is rarely discussed, which can leave women feeling lonely during this transition. Dr. Chiam emphasized that there is a lack of support structures for men dealing with their partners’ menopause experiences, which can lead to increased stress levels and potential mental health issues for them as well.

Fostering Understanding and Connection

Despite these challenges, menopause can also present an opportunity for couples to strengthen their bonds. Dr. Chiam noted that navigating this life transition together can foster shared understanding and empathy. The experience may prompt healthier lifestyle choices and increased attention to mental well-being.

Natalia A., 48, shared her experience with menopause symptoms, including mood swings and night sweats. Initially, her husband noticed her distress but struggled to understand it. Once she openly discussed her symptoms, he became more accommodating, such as adjusting the air conditioning to ensure her comfort at night. “It’s little things like that – being observant, adjusting without being asked – that made me feel supported,” Natalia said.

Men can best support their partners by acknowledging the difficulties they face and affirming their worth during this challenging time. Dr. Chow advised that partners should avoid attempting to “fix” the situation and instead offer genuine reassurance. Simple statements like, “I know this has been really tough on you lately,” can significantly help women feel validated.

Effective communication is essential. Dr. Chow recommended that partners ask open-ended questions to invite deeper conversations. Posing inquiries like, “How can I support you right now?” or “Want to talk about how you’re feeling?” can foster an environment of support and understanding.

Associate Professor Rukshini Puvanendran, co-director of the KK Menopause Centre, encouraged women to articulate their specific symptoms to their partners and collaboratively seek solutions. For example, if nighttime disturbances arise, partners can help create a conducive sleep environment. “One very understanding husband shared how he would dress for winter when going to bed, as his wife needed the air conditioning very low,” she noted.

Ultimately, the key lies in being present and supportive. Dr. Chiam emphasized that sometimes women simply need a listening ear rather than specific advice. Overly positive statements can often seem dismissive, trivializing the profound impacts menopause can have on women’s health and well-being.

Tan suggested that asking a straightforward question like, “How are you feeling today?” can open doors to connection and care. “Walking beside her, not ahead of her, fosters a collaborative journey through this evolving stage of life,” she added.

Jolynn hopes that men will take the time to listen to their partners and offer simple gestures of support. “Sometimes, all it takes is a hug,” she remarked, underscoring the importance of emotional connection during this significant life transition.