How Breakup Inspired Mira Sumanti’s Journey to Love and Self-Discovery

Mira Sumanti, a 38-year-old author and Google’s brand and creative lead in Singapore, transformed a devastating breakup just before her wedding into a captivating book titled Swipe Therapy. This narrative, which blends personal experiences with insights on modern dating, reads like a fresh take on the classic Sex and the City for the Tinder generation. Her unique perspective combines personal anecdotes with a data-driven approach, featuring graphs and tables that offer readers guidance on navigating the complexities of love in the digital age.

During a conversation at Google’s headquarters in Mapletree Business City, Ms. Sumanti reflected on her journey and the raw experiences that led her to write her book. “I never meant to write a book,” she admitted. “I wrote about my experiences because I wanted to remember all the things I went through.” Her candid recounting of her romantic adventures, which often delve into NSFW territory, reveals a deeper exploration of personal growth and resilience.

From Amsterdam to Jakarta: A Dream Shattered

Ms. Sumanti’s story begins in 2012 while she was working in Amsterdam after earning her degree in European studies. Introduced to a Dutch man by friends, the couple quickly fell in love and envisioned a shared future. However, that dream began to unravel in 2014 when she received an enticing job offer from Google, which required her to relocate to Jakarta. The decision to accept the job was a pivotal moment in their relationship.

“At first, it was just a career opportunity,” she recalled. “But it turned into a significant test of our relationship.” Despite her fiancé’s initial support, the pressure of adapting to Jakarta’s challenging environment strained their love. Six months into her role at Google, constant arguments became the norm. Ms. Sumanti described their relationship as a “ticking time bomb,” which ultimately exploded just five weeks before their planned wedding in Bali.

When her fiancé abruptly left, Ms. Sumanti was confronted with the daunting task of canceling wedding arrangements and grappling with a profound loss of self-trust. “It shattered my own belief in myself,” she said, reflecting on the emotional turmoil that ensued.

Navigating the Dating Landscape

Following the breakup, Ms. Sumanti embarked on a quest to find love again, often through the world of online dating. A survey conducted by the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel revealed that while 94 percent of Singapore respondents sought long-term relationships, 46 percent felt trapped in a cycle of superficial connections. Ms. Sumanti experienced this firsthand, encountering bizarre interactions and inappropriate messages.

Determined to succeed in the dating world, she leveraged her professional skills to enhance her online dating profile. By presenting herself authentically and conducting thorough background checks on potential matches, she navigated the online landscape with an analytical mindset. “If you are not online, you do not exist,” she asserted, emphasizing the importance of digital presence in modern dating.

In her book, Ms. Sumanti shares memorable Tinder encounters, each assigned a unique moniker. Among them is the “Pornstar,” a surprising match she met in Bali after eight months of singlehood. Their week together was a liberating escape, allowing her to experience kindness and attentiveness at a time when she needed it most.

Ms. Sumanti’s journey through various relationships revealed the importance of self-awareness and understanding what qualities she truly desired in a partner. One significant relationship with “The Banker” showcased the challenges of balancing personal aspirations with the demands of a high-stakes career. Despite their initial compatibility, red flags emerged, prompting her to reevaluate the relationship’s long-term potential.

Reflecting on these experiences, she noted, “If your work is so much of your life, then when work sucks or something bad happens, then your entire life goes up in flames.” This insight led her to prioritize emotional fulfillment over financial security.

Amidst the backdrop of a global pandemic, Ms. Sumanti found love again in 2021 with a Singaporean man she matched with on Bumble. Their relationship blossomed during the pandemic, allowing them to connect deeply through shared experiences. By May 2022, they were officially a couple, and by August, they became engaged. Their wedding in November was a small, intimate affair, a stark contrast to the grand ceremony that had been cancelled years prior.

“My journey taught me that while the road to love can be tumultuous, it is also filled with valuable lessons,” she stated.

Today, Mira Sumanti embraces a new chapter in her life, having welcomed her first child with her husband. As she reflects on her past relationships, she encourages others to explore love without fear. “There’s a saying that the person you marry will be the most important career decision you will make,” she advised. “Go out and date. A partner is not going to miraculously show up while you are busy at work.”

Through her experiences and writing, Ms. Sumanti has emerged not only as an author but as a voice for those navigating the complexities of modern love, reminding us that the journey is just as important as the destination.